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Showing posts from September, 2016

Comeback Kid

Five years ago I didn't see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Five years ago I wasn't sure how to comprehend life without her.

Five years ago I was you, the person reading this searching the internet for someone, anyone that could tell me how I was going to feel. Tell me how bad this was going to hurt and how long this was going to hurt. 

Here I am, five years later and I want to share with you what it looks like for me. 

Some days I just have to put pen to paper and get it all out. 

Some days I have to remind myself how far I have come. 

Some days I have to remember that just because it feels like only yesterday when she left doesn't mean it was. 

Some days I feel breathless

Some days I feel like I've got this whole grief thing down.

Some days I need to hear how I keep her memory alive is okay.

Some days I have to remember that because of her life and death I'm a changed person. 

Some days I have to be thankful that I had her for as long as I did. 

Some days I have to be th…

The Millennial's Guide To Grief

I'm a Millennial, yes I just said it out loud. I will say I am not proud of all the character traits that comes along with saying that but I can tell you that I have found being a Millennial and dealing with grief has been a really good thing. So I will just take the good and leave the bad, making my own rules with it.

As a Millennial, we handle things completely different when it comes to grief and our feelings that our parents and grandparents. To the generations before us, it seems odd and backwards, to us it's healing. Let's be clear though, there is not a cut and dry way to deal with grief. Those before us didn't do it wrong and we are not doing it wrong. In fact, the Millennials might actually have it figured out, after all, don't we already know it all?  So here it is, the Millennials guide to grief.

1.) We Air It All-You read that right, all that "dirty laundry" we air it all out and with pride. We hide nothing and we want everyone to see it. In …

Regret In Grief

There is regret in grief See that face I'm making in the picture? I'm five and I'm mad at her for taking a million pictures. There is regret in that, making that face, getting upset because she wanted to capture memories and not appreciating that she was present and excited. Grief wants me to get mad at myself knowing there is no way to fix this regret. I tell grief it's wrong. I am now a Mom and that face, I see it all the time.
I'll never love my kids any less for it. I'll never stay mad at them for making that face and I'll never stop loving them over making that face. There is nothing my children could ever do on this side of Heaven or after I'm gone to ever make me stop loving them. A mother's love doesn't stop. It doesn't have conditions. Somewhere between here and Heaven I believe my Mom saw the person I was going to become after losing her. Never in that moment did she ever want me to live with the regret of making a face at her. She didn't…

Writing Is Healing

I write a lot about grief and this sweet Mom I lost too soon.

Writing about grief heals me and helps others

What you might not know is that sometimes I also write about other things such as in-law issues and motherhood.
A few weeks ago I was told my writings "bash people." I took a moment to try and understand this 
statement. Here is my conclusion:

No matter what anyone else thinks about your writing, keep writing.

No matter who doesn't appreciate the truth in your writing, keep writing.

No matter how your writing is perceived by others, keep writing.

Writing is about you, those that are looking to heal and those that will be helped by it.

It's not about those that are looking to find a problem in your writing and healing process.

Let's be honest, some of the greatest words ever spoken and songs that made the biggest impacts were written about real life. They were written by a person that experienced a grief or hurt by someone else and they wrote it out to heal. They wrot…

I Wasn't A Motherless Daughter For A Few Minutes

For a few minutes today I wasn't a motherless daughter. For a few minutes today I was able to remember what it felt like to have her here on my birthday. You guys, finding your people on this grief journey is imperative. They know what's on your heart and what you need on the tough days. Go find your tribe, find your person and let them love you on the tough days. #coping#loss#death#flowers#birthday#ripmom#bestfriend#motherlessdaughters#motherless#gonetoosoon#grief#griefsupport#healing#reallife#realtalk#heaven#faith#friends

I Worry What They Will Think

"I worry they think I talk about my grief too much." It's a confession One I struggle with every single time I go to post about her or my grief. I've heard the judgement to my face.
"You must not have faith, otherwise you wouldn't grieve like this." I hear those voices and hurtful words with every post. But I still continue to write, I still continue to post. Even though the judgements fill me with doubt, I can't let them win. I won't let them silence my voice.

Open Letter To The Mom of the Child That Fell in the Gorilla Exhibit

To the Mom of the Child That Fell in the Gorilla Exhibit My heart is aching for you right now. I like the rest of the world see the Mom Shaming comments on social media. Truth be told, there is no amount of shame or guilt that any stranger on social media could place on you that you haven’t already placed on yourself. The guilt and shame you carry on your own and will for the rest of your life as a mother has weight so much heavier than the cruel words of others. You are probably analyzing every minute before and after this horrible accident and questioning what you could have done differently. Don’t carry that guilt far Mama. I wish I could hug you and tell you just that, you are not alone. No mother goes to the zoo and thinks, “Today is going to be the day my child falls in with the Gorillas.” No mother goes to Disney and says, “Today is going to be the day I turn around and find my child is lost in the crowd.” I wish I could tell you that it wasn’t your fault and that accidents happen. I …

With Loss Comes Healing

Grief and loss bring sadness and tears. Then there is the other side of grief. The side with laughter, precious memories, new memories. Then there is the best part, it brings families together. 
I know this would be worth it all to my grandfather. Seeing all of us in a room together laughing, smiling and remembering him. We will see you again grandpa. #grief#loss#hope#grandpa#grandfather#healing#love#family#cousins#aunt#uncle#dad#missinggrandpa#gonetoosoon#heaven#faith#unconditionallove#reunion

Happy Arrival In Heaven Margie

I share this because I want you guys to see and know that thinking outside of the box to heal is okay. None of us grieve the same way and it's perfectly alright to see this and think you would never do this. I just want you to see that grief and healing looks different for everyone and that's okay. I told my oldest son last night that my grandmother was gone, he would talk to her on the phone a lot. The conversation went as follows: Me: "Mommy is a little sad because Margie went to be with Jesus today and I'm going to miss her." Oldest son: "So she went where your Mom is?" Me: "Yes, in Heaven." Oldest son: "Well let's have a celebration." Tonight as requested we had that celebration for my grandmothers arrival in Heaven. We celebrated her beautiful reunion with their Nana and talked about what an amazing lady she was and how much she loved them. We had balloons, cupcakes, glitter and joy knowing that we will see her again one day. …

Loving Others How She Loved Them

Writing helps me heal in my grief. Giving until it hurts helps me heal in my grief. I do both of these things often because of her.
It is because of these things my life has changed. Writing and giving has opened up worlds in my life I never knew existed. It's given me friendships, joy, hope and even more importantly it's given me an opportunity to teach my children early on the importance of a moment. I want them to see that grief might break you for a moment but broken pieces can be put back together and made even stronger. My Mom in fact taught me how to live without her. She taught me the beauty of writing. The joy in giving to others. The importance of telling someone you love them.
Now here I am 5 years into my grief, not loving that my Mom is gone but loving the beauty in the grief. Loving that I was able to find the beauty in the grief because she did teach me how to live without her by showing me how to live. I'll keep writing, keep making care packages for strangers…

Open Letter To The Cajun Navy

Dear Cajun Navy, I wish I could hug each one of you. I wish I could fight back the tears to tell you how your posts make me feel. I can't keep the tears from flowing with every video I watch that you post. When I see the pictures of the boats, empty trucks and volunteers it makes me want to scream "THIS!! This is what we need more of in the world!!." I am raising my sons to be helpers. I want them to see someone in need and have it stir their hearts so bad that they go do something about it. I want them to help people simply because they are in need. I want them to see what you guys are doing and let them know that helping people and doing what's right for a complete stranger is brave. I want them to know that every single one of those families stranded are loved and deserve to be saved regardless of their skin color, lifestyle or background. I want my sons to see helpers like each of you. Going out there, risking your life, spending sleepless nights and resources even…

Here's To The Dreamers

Dreamers That's my background, an entire line of them. I watched as my grandmother in her early 50's wrote a children's book. My Mom as she scribbled poems and said she dreamed of owning a bookstore on an island.

They always encouraged me to write out my hopes, dreams, fears, feelings with writing. Those dreamers helped me walk this grief journey. Those dreamers didn't realize that one day soon they would be helping me write my way through this grief journey without them. Write out this grief journey because of losing them. I can't help but smile when I think about how in losing them I became more like them. How in losing them I was able to use their dreams of writing and love of books to make it through. Maybe one day I will write a book because of those dreams and because of their lives and because of the grief that was left behind since they've been gone. Here's to the dreamers in grief. The ones that get through grief on their own terms and in their own w…