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Showing posts from September, 2017

What Motherless Daughters Should Stop Wearing

There's a lot that motherless daughters wear that we shouldn't

We wear the weight of the world on our shoulders when our Moms are dying.

We wear the weight of grief like it's the scarlet letter instead of a badge of love for the Mom we lost.

We wear the guilt of how our relationship was or how we wish it could have been

We wear a fake smile after losing them when really we need to let the world see what's behind that smile. We need to show them the tears and the laughter and the joy and the real grief that happens after you lose someone you love so much

We wear the weight of feeling like we need to hide our grief so we don't make others feel uncomfortable

We wear the feeling that we need our grief to look a certain way or look like someone else's grief

Every single day we keep wearing these things and so much more

Instead of wearing our grief and everything that the world tells us we should feel and think and do on this grief journey, we need to simply put it d…

Missed Connection: Searching For My BMFF From Target

Missed connection


To The Mom In Target


You were at Target last night about 7pm in the crayon aisle. I was wearing my mom couture complete with dry shampoo hair, no makeup, yesterday’s T-shirt and yoga pants


You were also wearing yoga pants with flip-flops and a messy bun. The venti Starbucks in your hand was a dead giveaway that even though you were wearing yoga pants you had in fact not come from the gym. I know because I was doing the exact same thing #yogapantsarelife


I tried to glance at your cup to see the name of my future BMFF (best mom friend forever) but let’s be honest, at my age I’m on the verge of needing readers to see that far away


In your cart, you had diapers, soda, wine, and chocolate. Again, confirming my suspicions that we, in fact, were meant to be best mom friends


Our carts hit once as we rounded the corner from aimlessly pretending to be shopping for something in our favorite store when in reality we were both just having a moms night out. I mean we …

To My Mom Friends Carrying Our Friendship 100% Of The Time, I See You

Tonight we traded in our shirts that were covered in spit-up for clean ones, our dry shampoo hair for washed hair, our bare feet for fancy heels and ate ice cream that we didn't have to share
We turned the music up loud and it wasn’t the ABC’s. We sang at the top of our lungs driving around with no real place to be, no one crying or yelling in the backseat
Just us being us, the us before we became moms
We talked about our babies, our dreams, and our goals. We discussed all our mommy fails and things we wished we could do better in motherhood
We laughed about all the ways we try and hide the piles of laundry when company comes over and where we keep a secret stash of chocolate for those really hard days
We talked about making plans again and doing this more often. Both knowing deep down times like this were few and far between in this season of life
We both knew that friendships are hard in this season. Sometimes friendships have to carry themselves and we knew they usually fade a…

What Really Happens In The T-Mobile Stores

Yesterday Jer took my phone and said he was going to the local T-mobile store to get my home key fixed
I had cracked it months ago so I didn’t think anything of it
When he returned hours later to my surprise he had a brand new iPhone for me
Then that’s when he pulled out my old iPhone with the cracked home button
I was confused as to why he still had both and didn’t trade my old one back in like we always do
He said, “I told to the manager and sales associate that this phone had important things on it that could never be replaced”
You might think it was pictures or emails
He proceeded to tell me that he explained to them that on that well-loved phone contained voicemails from two very special women, my mom, and grandmother, both which are no longer with us
He said, “You see, it’s the only way she can ever hear their voices”
It’s also the reason I’ve kept a broken phone out of fear I would lose those voicemails
Once they heard the importance of this and knew I needed to be the one to …

This Mom Life Is Hard

This Mom life is hard
Most days I find myself searching for ways I could have done better
I think about all the things I missed or should have done but didn’t
I worry if I’m doing enough now so that they will want to be around me when they get older
I worry that I didn’t bend enough, that I didn’t let them see enough of me and not just mom
Then in the darkness of the night my fears are eased because in that moment I realize that I could literally have worried and failed a million times that day as a mom but that’s not what they see
They see that I keep trying, that I’m doing the very best I can and that I’m still here right by their side every step of the way and always will be
To all the moms out there that wake up every day and keep trying over and over again, I see you.

The Us Before We Became Moms

Tonight we traded in our shirts that were covered in spit-up for clean ones, our dry shampoo hair for washed hair, our bare feet for fancy heels and ate ice cream that we didn't have to share
We turned the music up loud and it wasn’t the ABC’s. We sang at the top of our lungs driving around with no real place to be, no one crying or yelling in the backseat
Just us being us, the us before we became moms
We talked about our babies, our dreams, and our goals. We discussed all our mommy fails and things we wished we could do better in motherhood

We laughed about all the ways we try and hide the piles of laundry when company comes over and where we keep a secret stash of chocolate for those really hard days
We talked about making plans again and doing this more often. Both knowing deep down times like this were few and far between in this season of life
We both knew that friendships are hard in this season. Sometimes friendships have to carry themselves and we knew they usually fade a…

The Secret To Weight Loss

Today I lost a lot of weight


Here are my before and after pictures


Everyone is always seeking the secret to weight loss and wants a quick fix


I've heard it all from exercise every day. Drink plenty of water and cut out bread and sugars. Try this shake


You guys, do you understand that my body needs at least one Dr. Pepper or coffee a day to function


So let me share with you my tried and true ways to quickly and easily have weight loss success


Stop carrying the weight of feeling like you have to fit back into those pre-baby jeans six weeks after having a child or else you aren't a good mom


Stop carrying the weight the world puts on your shoulders making you think the size of your jeans and the numbers on the scale define you as a mom, wife, best friend, girlfriend, sister because they don't


Stop carrying around the idea that you have to starve yourself to look and feel pretty


Stop carrying the weight that you pick up from someone else's highlight reel …

Mediocre Mom Life Looks Good After Irma

I had a quick five-minute phone conversation with a friend and my kitchen floor ended up like this
• It was so darn worth it
• That normal conversation of something other than the fear of losing our homes or not being able to find water from Irma
• Instead, she said, "I just filled up my truck with gas and I'm on my way to Walmart for groceries" we both laughed realizing it wasn't something we had been able to say for a while
• The most normal conversation I've had in over a week and it was my favorite
• That's when I came back to find tiny goldfish that were intentionally crushed all over my kitchen floor
• That's when I laughed
• My God this was the first normal mom moment I've had in a week. It was one I wasn't sure I would ever get to have again since I didn't know this time last week that we would have a home or hardwood floors
• This messy goldfish massacre on my kitchen floor brought me so much joy this morning
• I happily vacuumed up their lit…

The Day My Mom Became Part Of My Evacuation Plan

If you live in any part of Florida like we do then chances are you have an evacuation plan • My plan probably looks a little different than yours
• Even though we were prepared when that category 4 possibly 5 took a turn for us and we were in her path that evacuation plan went out the window
• We grabbed all the things that we could never replace and out the door, we went that Saturday morning
• As a Mom and at that moment an evacuee, I went through everything in my mind over and over with what we left
• Stuck in traffic I suddenly realized we left something or someone per say
• I instantly called my friends and my Dad
• Me: You guys, I left her
Friends & Dad: Who?! My God who did you leave?!
Me: Mom, I left my Mom
Friends: We will go get her!
Dad: Wait, Nikki, are you okay, your Mom died?!
Me: Her urn, I left her urn
Dad also: Looks like she's riding out Irma
• And that my friends is how my Mom got added to my evacuation plan
• I'm also happy to report she did, in fact, ride out Irma …

Irma Shifted My Perspective

This is what our morning looks like post-hurricane Irma
• It looks like messy hair because I finally slept after a week of being awake watching news report after news report
• It looks like I've packed up most of my home and moved out then decided to move back in
• It looks like we thought all we were ever going to own was what is sitting in this little corner of my home
• It looks a lot like being grateful and thankful that I can sit on my own floor and write this. That I can be in my home with the roof over my head when I was prepared to have it leveled
• Post-hurricane Irma life looks a lot like a completely different perspective

To Those Facing Irma For Us, Thank You

Today could have looked a lot different for our family
• With tears in our eyes, we fled our home on the west coast of Florida in the path of Irma on Saturday
• As we fled we watched as men and women drove right into the path of Irma and down to southern Florida and the west coast to be prepared to help complete strangers
• We passed utility trucks, water trucks, tree services, the national guard and so many more all willing to face something we were running from
• You'll never understand the power in a moment like that. The moment of wondering if those men and women will be at your home the next day helping to clean up what's left of the only things you have
• I cried in our truck and wanted to hug them all, each and every single one as we passed
• Now on our way home, they are still driving down to help with the devastation and aftermath of Irma
• I can't hug them so instead, I made a sign that I'm holding up in the passenger side window every time we pass someone coming t…

Leaving It All Behind, Thanks Irma

I've thrown up more times than I can count
• The decision to leave was the hardest decision I have ever made in my life
• To those that judge that decision being hard, keep it to yourself
• You'll never understand the feeling of having to choose the possibility of being stranded on an interstate or desolate highway with three small children, no gas for miles and a hurricane on its way
• You'll never understand the feeling that risking it and staying might be safer at times
• You'll never understand the feeling of seeing your home, the people you love in the rearview mirror and wondering if things will ever be the same again
• You'll never understand taking a picture of the front of your home and wondering if it will be there when you come back
• You'll never understand driving for hours upon hours running from something that you can't control and can't protect your children from
• You'll never understand the scar this kind of thing makes on your life unles…

Facing The Storm

Today Irma is making me pack up as few possessions as I can in the back of my suburban and leave
Today Irma is making me decide which items hold value and which items I would be okay with if I never see them again
Today Irma is making me leave my first home full of so many memories. Not knowing if the way I leave it and remember it will be the same way we return to it
Today Irma is making me leave my best friend, her family and my Dad to face the path of her destruction 
Today Irma is making me leave so many I love and so many things I'll miss in the rearview mirror
Today Irma won, today she made me run with fear of the unknown
Today Irma made a scar on my life that can't be undone and I'm still unsure how deep that scar will run until all is said and done
Today Irma made me do scary and hard things
She also made me realize things don't matter. She made me get down on my hands and knees and pray for complete strangers in her path
She made me hug my babies and my neighbors a w…

Why Having A Date Night Doesn't Matter

Chances are you have read all the marriage articles over and over again


They will always end up telling you that you must go on a date night or else your marriage will not thrive

Date nights are great but they won't break your marriage if you don't have them. If not getting a date night is the end all be all to your marriage then there were bigger issues

To all the young couples pinching pennies, the ones that can barely afford anything more than the dollar menu at McDonald's, don't believe the lies that a date night looks like a sitter for the kids and dinner at a fancy restaurant or some extravagant night out or weekend getaway

Date night can look a lot like a bag of popcorn and Netflix. It can look like a ramen noodle dinner by candle light after the kids have gone to bed. Date night can look like a quiet night on the back porch talking, laughing or sitting in complete silence hand in hand with the one you love. Date night simply looks like being with the one you love t…