Skip to main content

What Your Grieving Friend Needs During The Holidays

Holidays for grievers are tough one no matter how many years it has been. As a friend or loved one this day might be tough for you. You might find yourself feeling helpless as you see your friend missing their loved one on any holiday. To sit back and watch as your friend grieves, you don't know what to say or do. You might even feel guilty for telling them what you are doing with your own family during this time of the year. 

You may even find yourself slowly avoiding your grieving  friend during the holidays because you don't want to say or do the wrong thing, being away seems easier than hurting their feelings.

Good news!

I have compiled a list of things that you can do for your  friend or loved one during this time of the year. This way you don't have to avoid them. You might even find yourself filled with joy that you finally have a way to help them on this day. A way to make them not feel alone and a way to do something rather than nothing.

Please remember you will never have the right words to say to your grieving friend on this day but just you being there for them in some way will mean more than you will ever know. You see, as grievers we don't need words, we don't need to be fixed on this day, we just need to know you are there.

So here it is, your cheat sheet to helping your friend on the holidays 

1. Flowers, Card & Coffee: Simply go get their favorite cup of coffee, pick up a bouquet of their favorite flowers and grab a card. On the cup of coffee, write their loved ones  name inside the card, you can write anything from "I love you" "I'm here" "I know your person would give anything to be here with you today if she could. I'm here and I love you." You can leave this on their doorstep with a quick call telling them to walk outside or you can deliver it and then leave them with a big hug to enjoy their coffee.

2. Flowers From Their Mom: Last year, my sweet friend sent me flowers and the card was written as if my Mom had written it and ended with "Love, Mom." (You can see this on my Facebook page Grief To Hope). I was in tears because for a few moments it was as if I was not a motherless daughter. For a few minutes that day I had the feeling of having my Mom there.

3. Cards: A few weeks before get together some close friends and set up a secret Facebook page. Have everyone send your friend or loved one a card on Christmas, Thanksgiving or any holiday that might be difficult for them to let them know they are being thought of by so many on a tough day.

4. Lunch or Dinner: Don't call, don't ask, just show up with lunch or dinner for your friend. You can either stick around and eat with them or leave it for them to enjoy with their family or by themselves. You will be able to judge by how your friend responds if they would prefer company or not.

5. Text: A simple text during the holidays letting them know you acknowledge today is going to be tough for them. Let them know you are there if they want to call or if they want someone to go visit the graveside of their loved one with them or whatever tough thing they might need to do during that time. 


Whatever you do that day, let them know that even if they don't respond to your texts or calls, even if they don't respond with complete joy when you show up, even if they don't say "thank you" let them know that you still love them and that you are there for them during the holidays and after the holidays. 

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

My Mom Died But She's Still With Me

The day your mom dies, you will start wondering and questioning things you never imagined you would. Things you couldn't even think about before she died and probably never would have until after you lost her. 
You’ll wonder where she is a million times a day from the very second she leaves and all the minutes after she’s gone
You’ll wonder if she’s somewhere nearby or really far away because sometimes you can feel it both ways

One minute you have to catch your breath because you feel her so near it’s as if you could touch her. You wake up from a dream and feel as if you just spent time with her
Then the next it’s as if you can’t feel her at all. It’s as if the day she left she went so far away that you can’t even make your memories remember the feel of her hug or the warmth in her silence
You’ll wonder if she hears you when the tears are falling so hard and you can’t catch your breath to call her name, but you’ll wonder if she hears you through the tears
You’ll wonder if she knows how…

What Tomorrow Looks Like For A Motherless Daughter

My day will look different than yours tomorrow

Tomorrow you will wake up and your Mom will still be here. The nightmare and fear of her not being there are just a distant thought. You will go through your day knowing at any point you can pick up the phone to call her. You know a listening ear and judgment free zone is just a phone call away. Tomorrow you will wake up and know that you can get in your car or get on a plane to be greeted by her warm hug and a thousand I love you's.

Tomorrow you will wake up and know something I don't, you will know what it's like to have your Mom.

Tomorrow I will wake up and count down the days, minutes and hours make up six years to find out how long I've been without mine. Tomorrow I will wake up and be reminded that it wasn't a bad dream but it became my reality six years ago tomorrow. Tomorrow I'll wake up and know I can't pick up the phone and hear her voice on the other end no matter how many times I dial her number. T…

What It's Like To Be Friends With A Motherless Daughter

Dear Friends,
I have so much I wish I could tell you. I need you to know that I am different since my mom passed away. I am a different friend, mother, wife and sister. In some ways the grief and loss has changed me for the better. I won’t be the same person you remembered or shared memories with. Our friendship might require you to carry it one hundred percent at times. 
I need you to remind me that I am never a burden when I want to talk to you about the hard days. The days when the tears won’t stop flowing. The days when I cancel plans with you last minute because I had a trigger and my day is consumed with thoughts of her. The days when I just want to share stories about her. The days when I just want to cry with you on the phone. Remind me you are there.
I need you to tell me my mom is proud of me. If you have your mom, you might take that for granted. After losing my mom, I want to make her more proud than ever. I want her to know that because of her strength and courage in life, I…