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My Mom Died But She's Still With Me

The day your mom dies, you will start wondering and questioning things you never imagined you would. Things you couldn't even think about before she died and probably never would have until after you lost her. 

You’ll wonder where she is a million times a day from the very second she leaves and all the minutes after she’s gone 

You’ll wonder if she’s somewhere nearby or really far away because sometimes you can feel it both ways

One minute you have to catch your breath because you feel her so near it’s as if you could touch her. You wake up from a dream and feel as if you just spent time with her

Then the next it’s as if you can’t feel her at all. It’s as if the day she left she went so far away that you can’t even make your memories remember the feel of her hug or the warmth in her silence

You’ll wonder if she hears you when the tears are falling so hard and you can’t catch your breath to call her name, but you’ll wonder if she hears you through the tears

You’ll wonder if she knows how much you miss her and how the days feel like years sometimes without her here

You’ll wonder if she would be here if she could

You’ll wonder if she still feels like your are her daughter since it’s been so long since you’ve spoken or hugged, you might even wonder if she even remembers you at all

You’ll wonder if she sees you looking up to the sky, searching for her in the heavens 

You'll wonder if she's missing you, waiting for you, trying her best to send you signs that she's okay now and hasn't forgotten about you

You’ll wonder so many things about her the day you lose her

You'll wonder if you asked the questions that mattered the most or if you forgot to ask the right ones at all

You'll wonder if she knew just how much you loved her and how much you were going to miss her

Then one day you’ll realize that it’s okay to wonder but you’ll find in time that she doesn’t wonder at all because even before she left you, she knew a part of her would always stay alive in you 

Because a mother’s love never dies even when she does and even though you’ll always wonder where she is, one day you’ll learn that she is right wherever you are because you are forever her daughter and that’s something she knew all along

Comments

  1. Great read! I lost my Mom suddenly in July 2015. What you write is spot on to what I feel. Thank you!

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  2. Thank you!!! I lost my momma unexpectedly in 2016 and 4 months later lost my dad.

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  3. Omg I feel like I could have written this, my mom passed November 2016

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  4. So very true! Lost mine on Dec.29th 2018

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  5. I lost my Mom suddenly also in June of 2015. I have felt this same way since she left. I may be 54 but I still feel like a little girl that misses her Mama very much all day every day. Praying for you because I know I always need prayer.

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  6. I miss my mom so much passed on April 20, 2009. Not a day goes by that I don't talk about & think about her

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  7. Reading this has made me feel a little better.
    I've lost my mother Oct 2018
    Worst day of my life
    I miss her everyday
    Im lost without my best friend
    But I know every breath that I take is for my mother.
    Love will remain always.

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    1. I lost my mom Oct.26.2018.. im still trying to find away to Accept it ! Im sorry for your loss .. You're in my prayers

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  8. My mother Penelope passed 10 days ago!
    Jan 24th 2019
    She was diagnosed with cancer on Oct 26th 2019.
    I was blessed to have my mom for 45 yrs. I'm the youngest of three girls and the most outspoken! Im usually very strong!! But right now I feel weak and broken. I took care of my mom everyday and was there with her when she took her last breath.
    Everybody complimented me on how strong I was. and how well I took care of momma. But now if I lay in the bed all day, because I just want to cry and be alone!
    I get the "I'm worried about you!"" And "Are you gonna be ok? "
    And honestly I dont know!
    It all happened so fast. I hardly had time to process the fact that my mom even had cancer. Before my sisters and I were helping my dad pick out a casket. I cant seem to even wrap my head around the fact that shes gone!! I think I have read almost all of your posts in the last couple of hours. And as much as my heart aches for you. I was glad to see I wasnt crazy, looseing my mind or alone!!!. Thank you for sharing your journey! What a great way to keep your mom Terri's memory alive.

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    1. Hello, I lost my mom 1 year ago 1/25. My dad died 1 year ago 2/2. I am an only child and even though I am 51 years old, I felt like a little girl looking for mommy and daddy in the dark. I can feel your pain and I will be praying for you. If it were not for God, I would not have made it through this. I know If you will reach out to God, he will help you. There is a part of grief that makes us want to blame God because he can do anything and we think he should have stopped it from happening. But God himself had to turn his head and his son lost his life on a cross for us! God didn't want his son to die! But it was the plan. And my mom told me so many times, she had cancer for over 6 years on and off, she would go into remission and then a year later, it would return. And she would always tell me that until it was her time, she wasn't going anywhere, but when her time to go came, there was nothing anyone could do to keep her here. You mom left you so fast and I am so sorry. But is sounds like God was so merciful and didn't let her stay here in alot of pain. Try to let God comfort you, read his Word, go be with others at Church and let them love you with the love of God! I too, will be praying for you.

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  9. 10/27/17- worst day of my life. I had no idea how much I loved her, needed her or would miss her. Part of me knew, but couldn’t truly phantom the depth of what would come. I’m not without hope or her live- just feeling devastated in part, and very completed in others. That the part she gave to me- always the courage to go on. I love you momma!

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  10. I lost my mom suddenly in August 2005. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of her numerous times and wish I could talk to her. I type this now with tears running down my cheeks.

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  11. I lost my mom September 29, 2017 after a 3 year battle with lung cancer. After a 10 day stay in the hospital of which 7 days she was on a ventilator I had to make the heartwrenching decision to take her off the vent as the doctors said she was just getting worse. In less than an hour of taking her off she was gone. I often fight with myself wondering had I made the right decision and if possibly we had waited a little longer would she have pulled through or would she have been mad at me for making that decision. I miss my mom more each day that passes! This is an indescribable pain.

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  12. When you lose your momma, you lose your first heartbeat you ever heard, first voice you heard laugh, there is not one day in your life she wasn't there. You wake up thinking I'm gonna call mom and tell her...and reality sets in. That's my world since my momma went to Heaven 4 years ago.

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    1. When you loose your mother you loose the only inconditional love in our lives!!!! I lost my mother on june 2018. Some days are goods, some are terrible. I miss her every second....she died at 66 she was an amazing mother an granmother! I don’t get it......

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  13. Knowing that my sweet mom is now pain free, younger than her earthly 91 years, and that she is in the presence of Jesus, gives me such comfort and joy for HER. And, many times as you have shared, I do feel her close presence...and this is because of the very thin veil that separates her in her heavenly realm from my earthly realm. Yes, being present when she took her last breath and felt her last heartbeat, was something I will never forget. Seeing the lifeforce leave her also gave me pause; realizing that she no longer inhabited her earthly body, and that her actual soul is now in the presence of our Lord Jesus....I miss her so often, and many times hear her laugh in MY laugh; hear her voice when I speak and even smile at something that only she and I would "get". It is in those times, that I know and am reminded of her closeness to me. I cherish even these times so much!

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  14. I lost my mom 5 months ago, seems like yesterday. I also feel so lost! She was my everything, my best friend! My everything!!!! Days go by and I just wish I could hear her voice or touch her hands. It’s going to be a long road. These passages from grief to hope definitely help but the heart is still broken and a piece of me is gone forever.

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  15. 1 year today I lost my mum and best friend. Like your mum, mine was diagnosed with cancer and it took her only 3 months later. I cared for her and was with her until the end. The last year has been hell, I have no partner to lean on but I have found support in my fabulous friends and my young son. I don’t know how I got through this past year, don’t be afraid to see your GP for help if you feel you need to. I needed to and medication helped me through a very dark time. Love my mum to the moon and back, always and forever. xx

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  16. I lost my mom last Saturday and I'm devastated. This made the tears come harder, its so true!! I wish now I had siblings who could understand this pain. Its just me and that makes it harder!!

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    1. Hi Julie, I totally understand. I lost my mum suddenly and unexpectedly 3 weeks ago and I am an only child too and all I kept saying was I wished I had a sibling so somebody else could understand how much this hurts. I have never felt so lost and alone and totally heart broken.

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  17. Lost my mom bck in 2002 i was 8 at the time. Im 26 now n still feel like it's unreal

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  18. July 11, 1991... or was it yesterday?

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  19. My mother passed November 1, 2016 from endometrial cancer. She fought for almost 3 years and after an 83 day stint in and out of the hospital, the cancer had spread too far and too fast to her brain. I’m her only daughter and aunt to her two beautiful granddaughters. Her memories and legacy are the reason I keep waking up each morning, so that my nieces know what a strong woman looks like. She taught me that. I miss her and think of her every second of every day.

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  21. My Mother passed away on June 24th, 2018, the day after my birthday... from Ovarian Cancer that had consumed her body. She had just turned 73 just three days before. We are NEVER ready. My heart hurts every day... I am grateful that we loved each other fiercely, and were together until Jesus took her into Glory. Suddenly, just 4 months later, on November 16th, my Daddy joined her in Heaven. While it is still a shock that they are gone, I am at peace knowing that after 57 years of loving each other on this earth, that they are together once again.

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  22. Wow. Condolences to you all. Khchitto, I am the oldest of three girls. I lost my mum on December 4, 2018. Believe me that's the worse day of my life. I lost Mummy Seven months after I lost my grandmother, who is her mother. It was devastating. I am just starting to feel better now, but tears came down yesterday when I went to the funeral of one of her friend's mother. Then I got news on the way to that funeral that my cousins mum passed. My mum was battling cancer from 2012. She fought the disease hard and my dad, my two sisters and other family members rallied around her. I didnt give up hope and Mummy was a fighter. She slipped away after we left the hospital. Oh boy. Losing a parent is tough. I hold on to the fact that she is with our Lord and Saviour and she is in no more pain. That is what is keeping me.

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