I have so much I wish I could tell you. I need you to know that I am different since my mom passed away. I am a different friend, mother, wife and sister. In some ways the grief and loss has changed me for the better. I won’t be the same person you remembered or shared memories with. Our friendship might require you to carry it one hundred percent at times.
I need you to remind me that I am never a burden when I want to talk to you about the hard days. The days when the tears won’t stop flowing. The days when I cancel plans with you last minute because I had a trigger and my day is consumed with thoughts of her. The days when I just want to share stories about her. The days when I just want to cry with you on the phone. Remind me you are there.
I need you to tell me my mom is proud of me. If you have your mom, you might take that for granted. After losing my mom, I want to make her more proud than ever. I want her to know that because of her strength and courage in life, I learned how to survive this grief. I want to know that she would in fact be proud of the person, mother, wife, sister and friend I have become when facing the valley of grief.
I need you to remember special dates such as Mother’s Day, her birthday and the anniversary of her death. Let me know you are thinking of me and her on those days so I don’t feel so alone. Think of me on other days like my birthday when I long for her to be here.
I need you to ask questions about her. I want to share all the funny stories, her favorite foods, her favorite band, her favorite color. I want to tell you about what my nickname was that she gave me. I want to talk to you about my childhood with this amazing lady. You see, the old memories are all I have left to share. I do not have any new stories to talk about and talking about those things helps me keep her memory alive. I want you know about the kind of mother and friend she was.
She was really amazing, I wish you could have met her.
I know this is a lot to ask of you and it takes such a special friend to keep a friendship afloat when one is drowning in grief.
I know sometimes you might feel like you are failing me as a friend because you can’t begin to understand the way my heart aches for her hugs or to hear her voice. The fact that you chose to stay when other’s walked away knowing the road ahead would be long and bumpy makes my heart forever grateful. Staying means more even when you don't feel like you have the rights words.
A Motherless Daughter