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Showing posts from April, 2015

We Go On Because Of Them

Before losing my mom I attend several funerals. I will never forget one in particular, a young girl, and daughter, sister, best friend lost too soon. I recall her parents sobbing as they walked on stage to talk about her life. I cried thinking “How will they ever go on?” “How will they breathe?” “Will they ever be able to stop crying?” “How can they even function?” I always wondered if they saw a purpose in life any longer after losing their daughter. Wondered if they were ever able to smile any longer without a sense of guilt that they were still here and she was gone. Then I became that person, the one with a tragic loss that others my age were unable to even imagine. I was the one they were staring at wondering how I would go on, wondering if it hurt to breathe at times and wondering if I would go on or just give up and do the bare minimum to get by. I thought I would share with some of you wondering what goes on and how I cope with such a great loss, still go on, smile and be fill…

An Open Letter to Belle Gibson

Dear Belle,
We’ve never met. Prior to today I had never even heard about your cookbook/healthy lifestyle that cured your terminal brain cancer. I can imagine that most of the cancer and grief communities will be angry with you and what you have done. All the money you collected because of the false hope you gave young women, young moms, father’s sons and daughters. You say you have been through hard times in your life and that is what caused you act this way. I have been through hard times in my life and have not acted that way.
I’ve watched my mother at the young age of 43 being her journey with terminal brain cancer, the real kind, not the false kind you had. I watched her as she faced chemo and radiation. I watched as she tried every natural remedy just holding on to that last hope that something might work. I stayed at her house nights, staying up all night to help her to the bathroom when she was too weak to walk. Watching to make sure she was still breathing and making sure the t…

Triggers In Grief

When I started this blog, I told you it would be messy. I have yet to talk about the messy side of grief, discuss a real incident that occurred in my life on a few short days ago. I feel as though I would serve you no justice if I wasn't honest even about the ugly side of grief that comes up. There is such a stigma attached to grievers. We have fears that if we are honest with you that years later we still grieve that you will think less of us. That you will think we are incapable of being good mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles, daughters and sons. But you see, it’s the grief that makes us better family members and better mothers and fathers. It doesn't make us any less than anyone else. When I tell you I had a trigger, it doesn't mean I've had a setback in my grief journey. It doesn't mean that the past three and half years were a show or me putting on a happy face when I was really broken. I will forever be broken, nothing can mend that piece of …

A Letter To Friends and Family On The Holidays

Dear Friends and Family,
I know for most of you every single holiday, including the small ones are filled with joy and excitement. They are filled with family get togethers, endless pictures, and traditions, sharing old memories and making new ones. The only tears that will be shed are ones caused by endless laughter. The only pain on those days will be from eating too much and your face and tummy hurting from laughing so hard. Chances are for most of you, the only reason you will be looking around the room is to notice how blessed you are, how many family members are attending your get together. You will probably stress about getting everyone the perfect gift, become frantic over making enough food or bringing the perfect side dish. You may even have stresses about how to split the day between two families. At some point during the holiday you will probably call your mom, ask her what you should bring, what she is wearing and what you should wear. You will probably not, even for a spl…