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Showing posts from 2016

Hello 2017

I'm so sorry if 2016 was a bad one for you

I'm so sorry if you are happy to see it go.

I'm so sorry if 2017 has already started out rough for you or not how you anticipated

I'm so sorry if you can't see any hope for 2017 being any better.

I'm so sorry if 2016 handed you a big pile of cow manure and that was the best part of your year.

Here's what I do know though, we can't keep blaming a year for our grief.

I suffered two major losses in 2016 but I'm thankful for it and sad to see it go.

Why?

Because here I am healthy, happy, hopeful and living to see another day.

Not all of us made it out of 2016 alive. For those we lost 2016 was in fact the worst year.

You are sitting here reading this so I'd say you have much to thank 2016 for and 2017 already. 💗

Now get out there, love on 2017 like it's your best friend and spread kindness wherever you go this year.

Tell grief to take a hike that you've got big plans for 2017 and grief isn't in…

Sad To See You Go 2016

Everyone is posting things like, "Peace Out 2016" or "Good Riddance 2016."

I'm over here saying, "2016 I'll Miss You."

Why?

It's not because it was the best year ever or because amazing memories were made. It's not because I went on some awesome vacation or because I finally won the lottery.

It's not because there was anything absolutely spectacular about 2016.

In fact I had some major losses including two grandparents. I had the fifth anniversary of my Mom's passing and the first Christmas without my grandmother.

Yet, I'm still sad to see 2016 coming to an end.

In some bizarre way it means I am year further away from the last day I saw my Mom. It means I am a year further away from the last time I felt her hug, saw her smile, heard her say "I love you" or heard her laughter.

You see life is so short that I don't want to wish any year away. This year may have held some bad moments but it wasn't a bad year.

I …

Triggers in Grief on Christmas

I debated on posting this video. Simply because I haven't had this kind of trigger in my grief in awhile. I wasn't prepared for it to come out on the video.

However, I realized that I need to be honest and post things like this so that other's won't feel so alone in their grief.

I filmed it on Christmas Day when a song came on the radio that I've listened to a thousand times over but on that day at that particular minute it took me to a place of grief.

It's okay if you get through the holidays crying, laughing or doing both at the same time while missing your loved one.

All that matters is that you make it through the day knowing that tomorrow is a new day. A day filled with hope and joy. A day where grief will look completely different and it might even be the day that grief becomes beautiful to you.


My Grief Is His Grief Too

There never has been or ever will be another person that can understand your grief quite like your sibling.
When we are together it's like it instantly takes us back to when Mom was with us.
Yesterday was my brothers birthday. We spent the afternoon together talking, laughing and missing Mom.
I knew just how he felt sitting there wishing she was here for his birthday.
This is how we've always been together and how we were with our Mom.

He's one of the few people I can really be myself around and share my grief openly with because he gets it, he lived it right with me.

#ripmom#coping#grief#motherlessdaughters#motherless#birthday#wednesday#wednesdaywisdom#cancersucks#laughing#hope

Grief At The Fast Food Drive Thru

Grief tried to pop up at the fast food drive thru for me today. 

Little did grief know I already knew it was going to be there which is why I chose to show up and face it. 

I saw it on the commercials asking if everyone remembers the Taco Salad. 

Yes, grief I remember the Taco Salad. I remember it being her favorite. I remember she would always ask if I wanted one. I would tell her "No thank you" but she would eventually share anyways. I remember how it was the only Salad she ever got from there.

I could have allowed grief to win and take me to a place on memory lane where there is a street in her name that I tried to avoid for many years.

Not today grief, not today.

Today I showed up here for a face off. I showed up here knowing where you would be. I showed up here knowing you thought I would never show.

Not only did I show up, I ordered that damn Taco Salad too! 🌮👊🏻

So next time grief, get ready because I'm going to keep showing up and keep telling you how we are going to h…

Memory Ornaments and Friendship Goals

Three years I was still navigating my grief when my path was crossed with someone traveling the same journey. In the beginning of my grief I felt alone. I couldn't find anything or anyone that could relate to a 20 something young adult losing their parent and talking about it. Then God showed me there were people just like me in my very own town. People just like me that I shared mutual friends with. A few Facebook messages in and we joked that our Moms were up in Heaven plotting for us to be friends. The first time I met my sweet friend I made her an ornament in memory of her Mom.
I was making it and I clearly remember my husband saying, "This might be the last time you hear from her if you give her that the first time you meet." He didn't mean anything hurtful, he just knows not everyone is in the same place on the grief journey. What might be helpful to one might be hurtful to another. Before her and I parted ways when meeting I quickly gave it to her and hurried …

Goodwill Socks and Life Lessons on Christmas

I grew up poor by society's standards.
Raised by a single Mom, we lived with my grandmother or in income based housing in the mountains of southeastern Kentucky.
She worked two jobs and almost everything we owned was from the goodwill or given to us by friends or family from our couch to our car.
It wasn't until later on in life that I realized a few years for the holidays I was an angel on the Christmas tree at the local Salvation Army.
We never had a family Christmas picture taken with a professional photographer for Christmas cards, we couldn't afford it.
One year all my Mom could afford was a pair of really fancy used socks from the goodwill for me. 
My most valuable life lessons were learned the years I didn't get much for Christmas.
My Mom and I would go do things for free for others instead. One year we went and painted the nails for a few ladies at a local nursing home that were alone on Christmas. One year we made homemade Christmas cards and handed them out …

Open Letter to the Families of the Woodmore Bus Crash Victims

To the Families of the Woodmore Bus Crash Victims:

I would give anything to take this hurt away from you. Anything to make this all a bad dream and for you to have that baby back in the warmth of your hug.

Yesterday evening on that bus your precious children became all of our children. We all knew in a second that it could have been us.

My God how I'm so sorry it was you and your babies.

I wish I could rewind yesterday for you and let you pause it whenever you want for one more hug, one more kiss, one more "I love you", one more chance to really study every last detail of their face, every last curve of their smile and really soak in every sound of their laugh.

I know I can't but from one parent to another, if I could do that for you I would.

I know your heart is shattered into a million pieces. Nothing this side of Heaven could ever mend it is how I imagine you feel. The weight of grief is so heavy right now, almost suffocating.

Just breathe

I know yesterday your w…

Cooking With Margie's Memory

Whipping up my Margie's Banana Bread using her recipe. A few years ago she wrote out all of my favorite recipes she would make and sent it to me. I knew it was a priceless treasure.
I would call her and I would cook some of these very recipes as she would walk me through it step by step. I'll never take this handmade cookbook for granted. I'll never make these recipes and not hear her joyful laugh or see her contagious smile. I'll never eat these meals without being taken back to Margie's house, standing at the counter helping her make some of these very recipes when I was little. Today I'm there in my memories cooking again with my Margie. #heaven#motherlessdaughters#faith#angel#grief#loss#joy#healing#recipe#cookbook#grandmother#ripmom#grandparent#memories#love#support#memory

Candles for Mom

My beautiful Mom loved candles. My home is flooded with them and every single time I go to light one I think of her. This candle is extra special. Last Mother's Day Faithful Scents Candles had a Mother's Day contest. I normally don't enter them because I'm the only one that can't tell everyone where I am going with my Mom for dinner. Can't tell them what I bought her and won't have any new pictures to post with her on that special day. I entered it anyways. I faced my fears what others would think when I entered because I would be sharing my favorite memories of her from the past and all the things I hope she's doing in Heaven on Mother's Day. I won The beautiful owner will never know what that did for me that day. How it was a stepping stone in my grief to show me that it's okay to be the only one with the Mom in Heaven and still share memories of her for Mother's Day. Every time I light this candle I think of my Mom and a new Mother's Da…

My Moms Choice of Friends

My Moms choices of friends and acquaintances in her lifetime speak volumes about her and them even now. At a High School class reunion last night they not only chose to remember her but to let me know they remembered her. They let me know they missed her and loved her. I don't think there is anything more important to a griever than knowing your loved one is still remembered by others. To the MHS Class of 81, thank you isn't sufficient for what you did for my heart. Thank you for taking the time to remember my Mom. Thank you for letting me see her name. Thank you for showing me that true friends and acquaintances don't just stop loving you or forget you after you are gone. Thank you for showing me the meaning of true friendship.

Flashback to Moms 2nd Year in Heaven

These pictures were taken on the anniversary of her 2nd year in Heaven. I was surrounded by friends that had never even met my Mom. They loved her because they loved me. Years later some of them have lost their own Mom, Dad or grandparent.
Looking back on that day, it was so hard. Looking back on that day I realize how much stronger I've become. How much I have survived. How much I've learned about my grief. You could be me in that picture right now on this journey. Crying until it hurts every time you have to say their name. Praying that one day that ache deep in the pit of your heart will one day ease. To you I say, you can do this! It's scary, it's hard, it hurts, it aches. My goodness does it ache in your heart. I can tell you this, grief does become beautiful. Because of your loved one you find this beauty in each day, you learn how to carry them with you each day in ways that don't ache but bring joy. I don't know when that day will happen for you or if it ha…

Because Being Kind Is More Important Than Being Right

Regardless who you voted for yesterday, I still love you. Regardless as to how you feel about who I voted for, I still love you. Regardless if you feel as though I am for or against everything a presidential candidate stands for and I'm wrong, I still love you. Regardless as to who won last night, regardless as to who lost last night, I still love you. Know that just because today you may feel as though your candidate lost the battle, she opened the door for another future woman to become President and win an even bigger battle. Just be thankful we live in a country where we are allowed to have a voice and vote at all. Let's not choose to cause more grief to those that are hurting this morning. Know that their grief is real and it does matter. Instead, let's just let everyone know we love them. Life is too short for anything less than that. #donaldtrump#hillaryclinton#presidentialelection#electionhangover#grief#bekindnov9

Random Acts of Kindness the Morning After the Election....Say What?!

Today a lot of Americans woke up sad, hurting, angry, anxious and scared. Today a lot of Americans woke up in grief over last nights Presidential election. Today a lot of Americans woke up and began feuding with their neighbors, coworkers, friends, loved ones and complete strangers over who they voted for, over who won & over who lost. Today I woke up just thankful to live in a place that lets my voice be heard. A place that allows me to get a chance to vote. Then something beautiful happened. The car in front of me at the donut shop paid for my order the morning after the Presidential election. They even told the cashier to tell me "sorry" because they cut me off. You guys, neither one of us had a sticker for "Hillary" or "Trump" on our cars. They didn't have any clue if I voted for someone different from them. They didn't know if we had opposing views on things or not. They didn't know if I wanted to "Make America Great again" or…

Finding My Laugh in Grief

Grief is so ugly you guys but it's so beautiful at the same time.

I feel as though on this journey I want to start sharing a little more with you not only about where I've been with my grief but where I am today.

I want you look at this page and see that yes I struggled in my grief, yes I had some big losses and yes I still have days where figuring out how to tell grief what I want out of this is challenging.

More importantly I want you to see the hope, the joy and the laughter. I want you to know that it's all still there on this grief journey.

You may not be able to see that right now, you might think it will never happen or be your story in grief. I want to give you hope that it can be.

Today I tried to use a selfie stick for the first time. Suddenly I realized we had taken over 200 pictures and I couldn't make it stop!!

You guys, we laughed so hard from our bellies. The tears were rolling down our faces from laughing.

Yet, I'm still the girl who lost her Mom t…

Roadside Memorials, Flowers & Strangers

So many times I drive past memorials on the side of the interstate or roads. If I'm honest until a few months ago they were honestly just second nature to drive past them.

Then something changed my heart, something clicked and I can't tell you it was anything specific.

I realized those memorials were so much more than a cross or sign on the side of the road. They were signs of grief and loss. They were put there by a griever so that random strangers wont just drive past that spot without a second look but will instead know that their loved one was lost there. Right there in that very spot is the day that their whole world turned upside down.

That's when I decided to stop, I decided to put flowers on a strangers memorial on the side of the road. I wanted them to know that someone else was thinking of them and their loved one. That someone didn't just drive by that day and look past the memorial but that someone actually saw it and stopped.

I encourage you to really not…

When Your Son Mistakes A Pad For Tissues

I normally stick strictly to grief related pictures & topics on this page.

However, every now and then I need to share a laugh. I need you to see that life still goes on after losing your loved one and when it does you are still allowed to smile & find joy in the everyday things.

I hope this will give you a good laugh at my expense and help you see there is still laughter in life even in grief. So grab the tissues, the right kind and have a good laugh.

If only I could call my Mom to share this with her.

"You guys......
My oldest (he's only 6) has had a slight cold. I've been giving him little Kleenex packets that are decorated to send to school in his backpack.

This morning I went to check his backpack to put more Kleenex in there if needed. I opened up the front compartment and found this.....

Me: "Why is this in your backpack?"
Oldest: "I needed more tissues yesterday so I found more in the bathroom and put them in my backpack"
Me: .........
O…