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Showing posts from April, 2016

It's #Confession Time

It's ‪#‎confession‬ time. When you read my posts the last thing I want you to feel is that my life and relationship with my ‪#‎mom‬ was ‪#‎picture‬‪#‎perfect‬. It wasn't my ‪#‎friends‬. In fact after my Mom passed away, someone actually said, "we don't know why you are so upset. You didn't even seem to get along with her that well." Now this was coming from someone that never encountered a mother/‪#‎daughter‬‪#‎relationship‬ before. In fact, the month before she passed away I was very ‪#‎angry‬ with her. Angry she was dying, angry she couldn't fight the ‪#‎cancer‬ more. You might wonder how someone could be upset with someone that is‪#‎terminal‬. Its a funny thing in ‪#‎grief‬, you try to pretend like everything is‪#‎normal‬ even when there is an impending ‪#‎death‬. Here's my point, that doesn't make my grief any less. It's doesn't mean I'm not allowed to grieve the good memories I had with my mom, she was still my mom. I want you to…

An Open Letter To My Younger Self The Day She Died

If I could sit down beside the 25 year old me. The one sobbing and screaming uncontrollably on the floor the day my ‪#‎Mom‬‪#‎died‬, I would have a lot of things to tell her. The 25 year old me is screaming, "Why her?!?" and "Where are YOU?! How did you just disappear?!" and "How am I going to survive this without you??" I would just hug her, so tight. "You are going to feel like you can't breathe some days" I tell the 25 year old me. Some days the weight of ‪#‎grief‬ and life without her is going to feel so heavy you'll think you can't carry it any longer. At times you will feel like it consumes your days and nights, just thinking about her, missing her, aching for her. I'll hug 25 year old me even tighter when I say this next. I tell her, "Then one day soon, something beautiful will happen. You will be me and I sit here with you today, five years later with a smile on my face and a joy that I never thought I would have wh…

Drum Roll Please....Why I Share My Grief On Social Media

You guys, why am I choosing to share my feelings on ‪#‎social‬ media about‪#‎grief‬? You might have asked yourself that very question when you found my account. I mean let's be ‪#‎honest‬, being completely vulnerable and sharing such a‪#‎personal‬‪#‎topic‬ isn't something everyone does. Especially sharing things on here that I haven't even shared with some of my closest ‪#‎friends‬. I've had people tell me I share "too much" that I "must not really be okay in my grief" even "you should keep those things to yourself." Ouch. My friends, I present to you the three reasons above people feel scared to talk about grief. No, those are not the only reasons but those are a few. Here is my answer, I share for the ‪#‎voiceless‬. The five whole days I was on ‪#‎bereavement‬ leave from work after losing her, I immediately went to the ‪#‎internet‬. I wanted to find people like me, people that had been through this. I wanted to see their face, I wanted …

I'm Okay

Here's the deal, I'm ‪#‎okay‬. When you openly talk about your ‪#‎grief‬ and the journey, chances are people are going to become ‪#‎worried‬ about you. Maybe it's because you never shared your journey with them before. Maybe it's because it makes them uncomfortable. Maybe it's because they don't understand. Whatever the reason, when they see or hear your words and they might think you are not okay. Because let's be honest, grief is messy and looks scary to those that haven't experienced it. It looks "weird" to the outside world at times. You guys, I'm sharing now because I am okay. πŸ‘πŸ» Here is what we need more of, we need more people asking us if we are okay when we are in the dark places. If someone is talking about their grief and getting it out, don't ask them if they are okay at that moment. It might make them feel like it's not "okay" to share their journey. Ask if they are okay when you don't hear them talkin…

Grief Didn't Change Me, It Made Me More Of Myself

I've said it a million times on this grief journey, "Grief changed me."

Here is the funny thing about this journey, no matter how long you are on it, it's always teaching you something. You are always learning something new or looking at something differently because of it.

I'm almost five years on this path and something new hit me a few days ago about that small statement I make and hear other's make all the time about grief, that it changes us.

We as grievers often say we're never the same or we are not the person we once were before the grief, I've even said it.

That statement is false.

We are the same person that we were before the #grief. I am still the old me, the one that had a #Mom that I could call and hug. You see, grief doesn't change us, it simply makes us more of ourselves.

Read that one more time, grief doesn't change us, it simply makes us more of ourselves.

Grief stirs up this side of us that was always really there. The side …

Sense Of Smell In Grief

It's funny our sense of smell is so significant in grief. I recall exact smells from where I was standing when I got the call she passed away. I recall the smells in the air on the drive home. I remember the smells in her house, the smell of her favorite perfume and even the way her car would smell. The very day my Mom died, while I was in a state of shock I demanded my husband take me shopping. He obliged and we went to the place her and I would never go clothes shopping together again. Next stop was to buy fabric softener, the very brand she would always use. The one that smelled just like her house every time I would go there. Next, we went back home and I washed all of our clothes with that fabric softener to make it fill the entire house the exact ways hers would have smelled. A few weeks later as if a switch flipped off and I was out of shock. I wanted to never see or smell that fabric softer again and I tossed it all out. I'm finally in a really good place where I can u…

Will You Be My Temporary #Mom?

First, I can't believe I am sharing this on social media. It makes me really vulnerable, especially for friends and family to see. The reality is I've only shared this with my husband, but I am choosing to share it with you.  Why?  Because I don't want anyone to sit around in this grief and say, "Is this normal??" or "Am I the only one that feels this way??" I feel like I need to make a disclaimer with this post so here goes. I love my mom and no one can ever take her place. I also have a family but they are states away. Now that we have that out of the way, I'm about to be completely transparent here and share something pretty personal with you. "Will you be my temporary Mom?" I've found someone that I want to ask that very question to. It sounds ludicrous right? I mean, I have a Mom. Yet, I still have days where I desperately need to pick up the phone to call a motherly figure and I have no one. I want someone to share recipes on the…

Before & After

My life and possibly yours is now a series of events broken into "before & after." I find myself saying often, "Before she died" or "Before she became sick." Then there is the after, the after is always the tough one. "After she died" or "That happened after she died and she missed it." I really don't recall what life was life before it was broken down into these two categories. Sweet friends, I know living with your world broken into "before & after" can be hard some days. When I break it up into "before & after" that's where ‪#‎grief‬ wants to suck me in and make me dwell that there is a before and after with my mom. My sweet friend, yes there is the "before & after" but at least there was a "before & after" to be had. I know sometimes we just wish that before lasted a little bit longer. πŸ’— #grief ‪#‎mominheaven‬‪#‎youshouldbehere‬‪#‎gonetoosoon‬‪#‎healing‬‪#‎reallif…

A Little #Coffee, a Little #Kleenex & A Lot of #Tears

Here's the thing you guys, when someone says let's have coffee and talk about our moms, you go. You take the kleenex, you put on your listening ears and you come prepared with stories of your mom too. Grief wants to make you feel alone is this mess. It wants to make you feel like asking someone to listen, you are a burden. Don't believe those ‪#‎lies‬ that ‪#‎grief‬ is selling. 🚫 The people that matter will want to hear about your loved one anytime. The people that matter will say "Hey, let me help carry that burden with you." Go out there, have coffee with a friend, take the ‪#‎kleenex‬, have a good‪ #‎cry‬ and talk about your loved one. It doesn't get much more healing than that my friends. #grief ‪#‎kindness‬‪#‎compassion‬‪#‎inspiration‬‪#‎instagram‬‪#‎loss‬‪#‎ripmom‬‪#‎ripdad‬‪#‎missingmom‬‪#‎motherless‬‪#‎youshouldbehere‬‪#‎braincancer‬‪#‎cancer‬‪#‎awareness‬‪#‎hope‬‪#‎friends‬‪#‎breakingthesilence‬ #kleenex ‪#‎tears‬

The Days, Hours, Minutes & Seconds I've Walked Without Her

I've walked this grief journey for close to five years now. That's 43,764 hours, 2,625,840 minutes, 157,550,400 seconds without my‪#‎mom‬. ⌛ I choose to ‪#‎walk‬ this grief journey and choose not to let it force me to. Even though I walk it without my mom, I still choose to walk it for her. Make this grief journey a choice. No, it's not one we would choose but we've been dealt this hand so choose how it's going to go. Walk it with your head held high, you take the paths you want to take. Map it out πŸ“don't let grief give you directions. Take the scenic route some days, make a pit stop on other days but keep walking it. Walk it with others some days and walk it alone others. Some days you might even be strong enough to help carry someone that is struggling. Get out there and walk that walk. ‪#‎grief‬‪#‎motherless‬‪#‎fatherless‬‪#‎awareness‬‪#‎blog‬‪#‎reallife‬‪#‎realtalk‬‪#‎instapic‬‪#‎cancersucks‬‪#‎kindness‬ #walk ‪#‎run‬‪#‎ripmom‬‪#‎ripdad‬‪#‎youshouldbehere‬‪…