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Showing posts from July, 2016

Just Like That She Was Gone

My heart is broken in a million pieces as I write this. Today my grandmother Margie was greeted by my Mom at the gates of Heaven. What a beautiful reunion that must have been. She then made it into the arms of Jesus healed and whole. I don't know what life looks like without Margie in it, she's been there since the minute I was born and never left my side since. Today with the phone up to her ear I prayed that God would let me hear her say "I love you" back to me just one more time. I wish I could sit here and share with you all the laughs I had with her even up until last week. I wish I could show you 31 years worth of birthday cards. I wish I could show you all the funny texts we exchanged. I wish most of all that you could have known her and felt her amazing hug. I wish everyone could have been blessed with a Margie. I'll miss you forever, please tell Mom I miss her and love her too.

She Just Took Her Last Breath

Yesterday I started the grief journey all over again. Right back at square one just days before celebrating the 5 year passing of my Mom. The loss of a grandparent is right up there with the loss of a parent. I've experienced so many significant losses in the past few years and I can I tell you something? I never get adjusted to it. It's never the same, it never hurts less. I need it to hurt because then I can get it all out. I can cry, laugh and really feel the emotions so I can get to the part of the road where the storm breaks and the sun shines through. The part where I can remember the good memories and not just be reminded she's gone. The part where I can be so thankful I was blessed to have her at all. I'll never get used to not having the two most important women in my life not with me. I'll never get used to not having them to call on the phone and talk to for hours. I'll never get used to not getting cards in the mail from them. I'll never get used…

Some Days Just Suck Without Her

Some days just suck without her here. Some days missing her hurts more than losing her. Some days the ache to hug her consumes me. Some days I know Heaven is beautiful because she's there but I would rather have her here. 

Yesterday was one of those days.

Then the are other days. Other days where I see a butterfly and know she sent it just for me. Other days I see her smile in that of my youngest son. Other days I feel her near me in my heart. Other days knowing she would be here if she could. Other days when tears stream down my face when I'm in the car alone and God paints the perfect sunset. As if to let me know it's a little more beautiful up there because of her.

Five years in just a few days since she left me and I still have some days and other days. Five years and I still miss her, ache for her and cry just wanting my Mom because I will always be her "sweet pea." Five years and I'm learning to see the beauty in the small things God sends me to tell me sh…