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Showing posts from October, 2016

Finding My Laugh in Grief

Grief is so ugly you guys but it's so beautiful at the same time.

I feel as though on this journey I want to start sharing a little more with you not only about where I've been with my grief but where I am today.

I want you look at this page and see that yes I struggled in my grief, yes I had some big losses and yes I still have days where figuring out how to tell grief what I want out of this is challenging.

More importantly I want you to see the hope, the joy and the laughter. I want you to know that it's all still there on this grief journey.

You may not be able to see that right now, you might think it will never happen or be your story in grief. I want to give you hope that it can be.

Today I tried to use a selfie stick for the first time. Suddenly I realized we had taken over 200 pictures and I couldn't make it stop!!

You guys, we laughed so hard from our bellies. The tears were rolling down our faces from laughing.

Yet, I'm still the girl who lost her Mom t…

Roadside Memorials, Flowers & Strangers

So many times I drive past memorials on the side of the interstate or roads. If I'm honest until a few months ago they were honestly just second nature to drive past them.

Then something changed my heart, something clicked and I can't tell you it was anything specific.

I realized those memorials were so much more than a cross or sign on the side of the road. They were signs of grief and loss. They were put there by a griever so that random strangers wont just drive past that spot without a second look but will instead know that their loved one was lost there. Right there in that very spot is the day that their whole world turned upside down.

That's when I decided to stop, I decided to put flowers on a strangers memorial on the side of the road. I wanted them to know that someone else was thinking of them and their loved one. That someone didn't just drive by that day and look past the memorial but that someone actually saw it and stopped.

I encourage you to really not…

When Your Son Mistakes A Pad For Tissues

I normally stick strictly to grief related pictures & topics on this page.

However, every now and then I need to share a laugh. I need you to see that life still goes on after losing your loved one and when it does you are still allowed to smile & find joy in the everyday things.

I hope this will give you a good laugh at my expense and help you see there is still laughter in life even in grief. So grab the tissues, the right kind and have a good laugh.

If only I could call my Mom to share this with her.

"You guys......
My oldest (he's only 6) has had a slight cold. I've been giving him little Kleenex packets that are decorated to send to school in his backpack.

This morning I went to check his backpack to put more Kleenex in there if needed. I opened up the front compartment and found this.....

Me: "Why is this in your backpack?"
Oldest: "I needed more tissues yesterday so I found more in the bathroom and put them in my backpack"
Me: .........

This #Brother of Mine

My brother was in a pretty scary accident on the interstate tonight, air bags deployed and all. He was pretty shaken up but not majorly injured.
So thankful he is safe. Y'all life is short. Tonight I could have been easily sitting here writing that this had a different outcome given the severity of the accident. Thinking about all the ways this accident could have went even worse makes me sick. Tonight I could have been grieving the loss of this guy. Go tell your loved ones how much they mean to you because we don't know when any of us will be called home. I went and picked up Noah off the side of the interstate and just hugged him and told him I loved him. Then like any good big sister I made sure we got him something to eat, aggravated him to get on Facebook Live with me and I pestered him the whole car ride home. He basically jumped out of the vehicle when we got him home so I know his legs are in good working order. #thankful#brother#sister#family#accident#wreck#grief#survivo…

Grief Isn't Just About Death

I know #hurricane Matthew has caused so much #grief and devastation. I felt so much guilt last night being able to go to sleep in my nice warm bed and on the opposite coast of Florida. I felt the guilt knowing that so many were awake all night at shelters or circled up inside their homes in bathtubs with a mattress or in doorways trying to stay alive while the hurricane hit. I felt guilt knowing that so many were going to possibly lose their homes, all their earthly possessions and wake up to find a shell where their home once stood. Often times people just think of grief as something that comes along when a life is lost. Grief can come in the form of a hurricane that causes loss in many aspects. Praying for those still in the path that are choosing to ride it out. Praying for those still in the path that will have a sleepless night filled with worry in a shelter or hotel. Praying, praying, praying #LoveAlwaysWins #hurricane #hurricanematthew#weather #grief #loss#compassion#pray#prayf…

Kindness Was Her Passion

Just paid for the person behind me at Starbucks in honor of my Mom. "Tell them it's with love from Terri"(my Mom)

The Final #Text

The last text I sent my grandmother. She took her first breath in Heaven the next day. I knew we were losing her and I knew she couldn't read the text but I needed to send it to her. I knew I had just told her "I love you" that weekend but I needed to let her know one more time. I'm still struggling with the loss of my Margie. The hurt of not being able to pick up the phone and call her. The tears still flow when I read her texts and emails. The anger towards grief is still there. I am steadily moving through it because it's the only way I know how to get through this tough part is to go through it, to keep going. I know I can sit in this part of grief and not a single person would blame me. I just don't want to prolong this part of grief. I'm trying to reach the part where the texts bring a smile to my face. Where her pictures make me laugh because of how funny she was and the part where her name brings me joy again. I love you so much Margie


Being A #Motherless #Mother

It's not too often that I go there in my writing about being a motherless mother. It's easier for me in some ways to write about being a motherless daughter.
I have these days in motherhood where I am knee deep in the trenches of it and just need my Mom. I'm 31 years old and I've been a Mom for six years but I still have moments in motherhood where I just need her. Where she's the only one that would be able to console me, tell me what a great job I'm doing and have me believe her. I can't pull memories of her telling me I'm a great Mom or this is just a phase because I never had her with me once I became a Mom. I was never able to hear her say those things. On those days I just buy myself an iced pumpkin spice latte with a double shot of espresso , hide it in another cup so I don't have to share and sit on the floor and embrace the chaos. I think about all the sweet memories we shared together during my childhood and know that she would be here if sh…

The Ultimate Grief Dinner Party Guest List

As a griever I want to surround myself with those that get it. Those that have been in the depths of grief and have not only lived there for awhile but they've come out with a passion for life that honors their loss. I want to sit with the ones that no matter how bad things looked without their loved one, they kept moving forward sometimes crawling, sometimes walking, sometimes running but always moving forward. They've continued to honor their loved ones in different ways or they've chose to be honest about regret and ill feelings towards their loved ones in grief. I want to hear about all of the different walks we all take on this grief journey. I want to talk with those that are in all different places on this journey from the new griever to the veteran griever.

You just feel this instant connection with someone that you know has suffered a significant loss like you have. You want to reach out them and say, "Hey, can we talk about grief?" You see, grief doesn&#…

Open Letter to the Parents of Jacob Hall

To the Parents of Jacob Hall

I don't know how to write this without the tears flowing. I can't even begin to comprehend your pain and heartache right now. I've known grief in my lifetime, grief and I are old friends. Yet, I've never known grief the way you now know him and every day I silently pray I ever have to. 
My oldest son is Jacobs age and every morning I drop him off at school I have fear. Every morning before dropping him off I analyze every little thing about him from what he's wearing, the sound of him voice, the curve in his smile and the freckles on his nose. I don't pull away until he steps inside the classroom. 
Because every single morning that I drop off my sweet baby, I fear that one day might be the very day that a school shooter walks into his classroom. That one day might be the last day I get to drop him off to school. That one day might be the very day that changes my entire world when I drop him off and he won't be there for me …