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Showing posts from February, 2017

We Kept Running

The year before last a group surrounded me with love and ran with me in memory of my Mom.
All around us were those that had fought brain cancer and won. There were those that like me only had a picture to carry around on that day of our loved ones.
Even though the reality is none of really had much in common there was one thing that unified all of us.
That we kept going.

Even if we lost them, we kept going. Even if they were still there with us, we kept going. Even when we didn't know if they were going to stay with us or make their way to Heaven, we kept going.
My God did we keep going no matter what that journey brought our way.
There we were still going, still fighting for them and their memory. There we were some of us crying, some of us throwing up, some of us barely able to run but we did because of them.
If they can face cancer we can face a damn 5k in their honor. 

Hitting Rock Bottom In Grief Became My Foundation

The day I lost her, I found myself.

I didn't know it then and I definitely didn't know it the day I sat on the floor of my office screaming for her.

I have these days where I wish I could remember what life felt like before the grief invaded my life without even asking.

The days when I could call her and she would pick up.

The days when I could get in the car and drive to her house.

Then I realize I wouldn't be who I am today or where I am today if not for the grief and losing her.

Where I am is really good even though she isn't here in it.

You see, my Mom did the bravest thing she could have ever done for me. She left me knowing that right there in my lowest point at my rock bottom that I would become the person she raised me to be.

That I would rise up and tell grief that the rock bottom it laid me on became my strongest foundation.

#youshouldbehere #youarenotalone #braincancer #motherlessdaughters #motherless #mother #mom #crying #healing #support #grief #griefsucks…

What Grief and Jesus Have To Say

Maybe at some point in your grief you have felt one of the ways listed below. Maybe grief has caught you and wrapped you up in it's lies. Maybe you are still on the journey in your grief where grief is still in fact the bad guy.

I'm almost six years on this grief journey and I don't have it figured out, I've just found what works for me. I've found my grief isn't always right, the way it makes me feel isn't the end all be all.

You see I have found that I in fact navigate where and how this grief journey goes and I've got a pretty good guide showing me the way and his name isn't Grief. So if you are here today on this blog and feeling one of these ways, let me show you the flip side of grief, the upside to it if you will.

Grief can't do this
Jesus says..........WE will do this together

Grief says........You'll always miss them
Jesus says........You'll always have a piece of them with you & you will see them again soon …

A Place For Nana At The Dinner Table

Sometimes you do things in grief that might seem strange to the outside world. Sometimes you do them and wonder how many friends will secretly think you've lost it. Those people don't matter unless they have walked in your grief.
It's okay to share those moments with the outside world because it helps to show other grievers that how you choose to grieve is okay. 
Tonight my guys had dinner with their Nana 
I hope one day you look at this picture and see a sweet boy having dinner with his Nana the only way they can these days.
I hope one day you look at this picture and don't see anything wrong with it.
I hope one day you look at it and simply see it for what it's worth.
We had a long day, I wanted to call her and have her ask about my day. I wanted to hear her tell me she loves me, I wanted to tell her I love her too.  I would have called her and instead of chatting she would have rushed over, had dinner with us listened laughed and gave me a big hug.  These days I just…

I Didn't Want To See Her Again

I didn't go see my Mom's body one last time after she died. I was states away and the funeral home was willing to give me time to get to her. They were willing to help me get to see her one last time. To let me feel my hand in hers, kiss her cheek, tell her goodbye face to face but I declined.

I said "no" to seeing my own Mom for the last time.

I was numb, angry and petrified all at the same time. All those things held me back from going to see her. My brother on the other hand chose to go visit her and tell her he loved her. You see, that's the funny part about grief, it impacts each of us so differently.

If you ask my brother today, he will tell you he doesn't regret going to see her in that state. That he would do it all over again and it doesn't replay in his mind over and over seeing her that way. If you ask me today, I will tell you I have no regrets about not going to see her that day, lifeless on that table under a sheet.

Neither one of us are wro…

Learning To Mother Myself

A year after losing her I became a mother myself for the first time. 
It was in that very instant that I knew I didn't have her any longer to help me navigate this big world without her there to lead the way. In fact, I was in charge of navigating it for someone else, I was suddenly their everything. 
I had to learn to mother myself and mother someone else. 
The day my son was born was the day I truly lost my Mom and it was the day that she was born again to me in a completely different way. 
I saw her in all my memories in a completely different light. 
Not her faults, not her mistakes, not the ways she failed me, not where she could have done better, not all the ways she frustrated me to the core. My goodness, those are always things that are so easy to see in everyone else aren't they? 
Instead, I saw how hard she tried, I saw her love for me, I saw she did the best she could with what she had. 
I saw her for my Mom. 
I realized this tiny person was going to have a front r…

Toes In the Sand & Talks With Mom

I bought this Tervis Tumbler a few years ago because it made me think of my Mom.

Now next week when I go visit her where we spread her ashes I am going to take it with me and drink an ice cold Dr.Pepper in it with my toes in the sand and have a nice long talk with her.

How we use to talk and how we spend time together now will look different. We won't be sitting on the back porch drinking our Sodas while watching the sun set. She won't be there for me to hear her laugh at all the stories I tell her. 

She'll still hear me during our talks it will just look different than I imagined it.

I'll even joke and tell her it's pretty funny this way because now I'm the one that gets to do all the talking. 💗

Miss you Mom


Instagram Memory Locket Giveaway

Follow me on Instagram under grief2hope for your chance to win
A few years ago I put together this memory locket to wear when I was missing my Mom.
I have a few more and would love to bless someone with them.

Would you like one?

If yes then simply tell me who you would want your memory locket to be in honor of in the comments and tag a friend.
Saturday evening I will randomly select a winner and that person & the person they tagged will receive a memory locket similar to this one. 💗

My Mom, My Guardian Angel

A few years ago a sweet friend bought me this beautiful urn for my Mom's ashes. She has a matching one for her Mom too.
Tonight while shopping I came across this little decoration. Before I even read what it said I instantly thought of my Mom. It was just something unique that she would have loved.
Then I read what the bottom said , "Guardian Angel" and I knew I had to get it to put with her urn.
When I brought it home I covered the bottom half and showed it to my husband.
Me: "Isn't this cute?"
Husband: "Yeah it actually looks like something your Mom would have bought."