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Showing posts from June, 2017

5 Things You Need To Do After Your Parent Dies

There will be a long laundry list of things you need to do after you lose a parent. Every single thing on that list will be important to get done. Every single item will have a priority over your own self-care or so you think.

If you are in the trenches of losing a parent I need you to do me a favor. Go get that ever so important laundry list of things to do. I'll wait while you go get it. Now, once in your hand, I need you to rip it in half. Then rip it again until it's in tiny pieces.

Why the hell would I want you to do that?

Because you are in a fog right now and someone needs to be here to tell you to snap the hell out of it. Right now everything is a complete blur, you don't know what you "should" be doing and you really do wish you had a list of things. Yet, that list you just ripped up wasn't cutting it. It wasn't helping you start the grief journey it was just temporarily numbing it until after the funeral.

I need to tell you that those things wi…

7 Things That Happen The Day Your Parent Dies

There will be a lot of things that happen when your parent dies. None of which you can be prepared for no matter how expected or unexpected their death is. You can read the books, check out the online groups but none of those things can tell you what I am about to share with you.

The day they die is unlike any of the other days. It's different from the anniversary of their passing. It's different from the holidays and the birthday without them there and just an empty chair.  There will never be another day that can compare to the things that happen or the way you feel on the day your parent dies. Let me share with you seven of those things that happen the day your parent dies.

1.) People Will Stop Saying Their Name: From that moment forward you will rarely hear their name. It will be "your Mom" "you Dad" "he" or "her" but never by their name. You'll find yourself at the local Starbucks ordering a drink with their name just to hear th…

6 Things That Happen The Day Your Mother Dies

There will be a lot of things that happen when your Mother dies. None of which you can be prepared for no matter how expected or unexpected her death is. You can read the books, check out the online groups but none of those things can tell you what I am about to share with you.

The day she dies is unlike any of the other days. It's different from the anniversary of her passing. It's different from the holidays without her and her birthday without her. There will never be another day that can compare to the things that happen or the way you feel on the day your Mother dies. Let me share with you six of those things that happen the day your Mother dies.

1.) People Will Stop Saying Her Name: From that moment forward you will rarely hear her name. It will be "your Mom" or "she" or "her" but never by their name. You'll find yourself at the local Starbucks ordering a drink with her name just to hear the barista say it out loud. That's how little…

What Everyone Should Know About Wedding Vows

Thirteen  years ago I stood at the altar and uttered the same wedding vows so many of us say. I heard each word as they slid off my tongue. Yet, I didn't really understand them, I didn't really get them.

I honestly don't think there are too many that fully understand the commitment in their wedding vows. Sure, it's easy to think I'm talking about the for better or worse or the till death do us part but that's not what I'm talking about at all.

It's what's in between the lines in those vows that you don't really understand, you don't foresee and you don't look for in a spouse and it's those very things that matter the most.

In those vows, they didn't discuss all the times this man would have to stand by with two pink lines and the one that faded away. He didn't know in those vows that he would have to sit on the floor crying with joy yet sorrow because of the new lives yet still thinking of the one we lost.

In those vows, he …

Lessons On Gardening And Grief My Grandmother Taught Me

Margie, Margie quite contrary how does your garden grow

My grandmother had a green thumb. In fact, I think she had two green thumbs. Anything she touched grew and lived. It not only lived but it thrived. All she did was love it, tend to it and nurture it

The key she said, was singing to it. Even if you couldn't carry a tune, sing to it from your heart and it will grow. That was the most crucial part she said.

We would sing even as we were tilling the soil to prepare to plant the seeds. As they would grow we just kept singing, even to the ones that weren't doing so well.
There's a life lesson in grief there my friends
My most precious memories were outside in her garden planting vegetables and breaking green beans on the front porch and in that very garden. That's where most of my life lessons were learned, the important ones that I didn't even know were so important until now. 

When someone is buried deep in grief, covered in the darkness of the soil, keep loving on them…

Grief Is Just A Memory Spoken Out Loud

Grief sounds like such a scary word πŸ˜±
✨ Most of the time people don’t want to associate with it because the world makes us feel often times like it’s depressing or there is something wrong with #grief
✨ False πŸ₯Š
✨ Grief is simply a memory spoken out loud about someone we #miss, someone we’ve lost, someone we’ve loved and still love
✨ Keep on sharing your #memories with the world πŸ™ŒπŸ»πŸ’―

How To Help Your Motherless Friend

Losing your Mother is a tough one no matter how many years it has been or how old you are. As a friend or loved one this situation might be tough for you. You might find yourself feeling helpless as you see your friend missing their Mom. 

You might want to just sit back. Just watching as your friend grieves doesn't feel right either but you don't know what to say or do. You might even feel guilty for telling them when you are doing things with your own Mom. 

You find yourself slowly avoiding your Motherless friend after their loss because you don't want to say or do the wrong thing, being away seems easier than hurting their feelings.

Good news!

I have compiled a list of things that you can do for your Motherless friend or loved one, this way you don't have to avoid them. You might even find yourself filled with joy that you finally have a way to help them. A way to make them not feel alone and a way to do something rather than nothing.

Please remember you will never have t…

Why You Should Ask Your Kids The Janitors Name

It's a question I began asking my son when he started Kindergarten, "what is the name of the Janitor?" Every few days I would ask when he would get in the truck after school and every few days for the first half of the year his answer would always be the same, "I don't know, Mom."

Finally one day after Christmas break, he gave me an answer. He told me he had asked his teacher and that worked just fine for me. Then he asked what I had been hoping he would ask for months. "Mom, why did you want to know the name of the Janitor?"

It's a question my Mom would ask me anywhere I would go from school to work, "Nik, what's the name of the janitor at that place?"

You see, she wanted me to learn that every single person around me is important and they matter. She didn't want me to go to the same place every single day and miss someone. She didn't want me to go there and only know the names of those that mattered to me, those that I…

Open Letter To The Mom Boycotting Disney Over Beauty and the Beast

I've debated on writing this. I've deleted it a hundred times but sometimes the hardest things to write are those that mean the most. They are the things that are scariest to say because they need to be said, they are the things that if you don't stand up and say, who will? 
Today I'm standing up, I'm saying it....
To The Mom Boycotting Disney Over Beauty and the Beast,
Growing up some of my most cherished memories with my Mom and Grandmother were spent watching Disney movies together. I won't sit here and list all my favorites but Beauty and the Beast were on my top five list.
Want to know why? Because I was a child who simply saw the moral of the story. Someone was rejected because they were different and someone loved them and it changed them. You see that's what love does, it changes people.
My vision wasn't clouded by adult issues. My Mom didn't point out that there were all sorts of "issues" with the movie that might go against our f…

When Father's Day Looks Different

There are the moments in your life that go from normal to knocking the breath right out of you
Moments that you try to burn in your memory so hard. Moments where you look around at every little detail as you stand there in that very moment knowing in that fog that if this is truly the end of a before and the beginning of an after then you want your memory to recall everything about it
Yet at the same time you want to forget every single thing about those moments
You don't want to remember the way it made you feel, the smells, the sounds and the tears that hurt so bad streaming down your face
You cry for all the moments that could have been, that never were and may never be
You cry because that last "I love you" wasn't good enough
You are stuck somewhere in limbo of not knowing if this is temporary or permanent. A bump in the road or a valley
Either way I'll stand here in silence and he will never know I was there. I'll take in every detail from the way our chins ide…

Dogs, Grief & A Little Rae Dunn

We became owners of this sweet Boston Terrier, Drake a year ago. 



Our intentions were to have a dog that the boys could grow up with. Deep down I also knew the words of my Mom how a house isn't a home and is not complete without a dog.  My Moms oldest dog Riley stuck by her side until the morning she was taken to the hospital and would leave us forever. After she was gone he laid in her bed and didn't move from the spot she was in the entire day. The love of a dog love is unconditional and timeless.
I know my Mom would have loved sweet Drake and seeing him with the boys. Having him here with us brings a small sense of having my Moms memory still here and her big heart for dogs.

Do you have a pet that reminds you of your loved one? A pet that helps calm you when the waves of grief hit? If so, tell me about them!

A Funeral For Grief

Fellow grievers, we are here today to bid farewell to our grief

A mini funeral if you will πŸ’€

Letting go of how we thought grief should be, letting go of how others tell us grief should be, saying goodbye to where we thought we would be on our grief journey by now

Our eulogy to grief will include a lot of "thank you's" and a lot of "goodbyes"

You won't be asked to say anything you don't mean and you won't be asked to tell grief that you are letting it go completely. We are just bidding farewell πŸ‘‹πŸ»to the parts that are getting us stuck. The parts where grief makes us think it has a hold on us when it doesn't, we have a hold on the grief. The parts that get us thinking our grief should look a certain way, act a certain way and say certain things

So consider yourself cordially invited πŸ’Œ to a mini funeral for your grief, for my grief and for everyone that will meet grief face to face after us.

Before any further adue, please let me share with you my eu…

How To Fail At Giving A Book Review

I'm going to be totally transparent with this post ✨ I'm a grief blogger but first and foremost I'm a Mom
✨ A lot of days those two worlds collide like when I'm trying to make a post to tell you about this amazing book "Where Did My Sweet Grandma Go?" which you can find on Amazon.com. She also has one for the loss of a Grandpa
✨ Trying to take pictures while reading them this beautiful book seemed like a great idea, more along the lines of a Pinterest fail idea
✨ So here you go, a grief bloggers how to guide on capturing a Pinterest fail during a book review, you are welcome
✨ On here you won't find me sharing about books or resources for a griever that I don't truly believe in and this is one I highly recommend
✨ Any excuse for me to talk to the boys about their Nana in Heaven is a good excuse for me. It has questions at the end of the book to ask and help children feel comfortable with asking questions themselves about losing Grandma. It gives you ideas …

Self-Care First Aid Kit On The Grief Journey

You might be wondering what in the world me juggling all these different items has anything to do with grief
✨ Before I lose you, let me explain
✨ Grief drains us mentally, emotionally and physically. It doesn't matter if it's grief from losing a loved one, a breakup, divorce, ending a friendship, change in career or maybe just the realization that one day life isn't where you thought it would be for you right now. There is grief in all of those things and more
✨ Over the years I've learned how important my health is to my mental health in grief
✨ From what I eat, drink, how much I get, my exercise (I use that term very loosely πŸ˜Ά) and even my self-care ✨ This body fuels me through grief and the valleys when I get stuck in them on this journey. I can't run on empty and expect to glide through this grief journey
✨ Do these things help you get over your grief faster? Absolutely not! However, these things will help keep you mentally and physically able to face grief head on…