Grief To Hope

I'd like to give a shout out to all my fellow hot mess school moms  🙋🏼 The ones that let their child out at the drop off line and yesterday mornings breakfast wrapper rolls out with them The moms that haven't been able to find the floor board of their vehicles since August 1st of last year The moms that just found that homework assignment they were supposed to sign on August 1st as they were cleaning out their cars on the last day today The moms that tell the teachers the endless pile of soda cans from the entire year are only there because they are teaching their kids about recycling The moms that jump out quickly at the pickup line to get their child so they can maneuver the entire pile of the school years special projects to the side To the moms still trying to find where that smell in the truck is coming from that started sometime after August 1st To the moms that live in their cars four times a day, five days a week and don't have time to clean up that

I’ve sat back and watched as social media chewed up and spit moms out. I’ve watched them come in swarms with words that cut to the core as their weapons of choice. I’ve even tried to step in a time or two but the mob mentality was already set and the battle lines were drawn. Anyone that crosses them and tries to recuse the poor mom and her soul on the other end of the comments will be lashed out at with twice the force from mom-shamers everywhere. You are either too perfect  or a complete slob. You breastfed too long and that’s gross but when you couldn’t any longer and bottle feed your baby, you are a quitter. You had too many kids or how dare you just have one. You let your child climb the wrong way up the slide at the park, what kind of mom are you? You tell them to stop and you just stopped them from learning a vital necessity of growing up. You allow them to have feelings in public and not stop them, what kind of mother allows their child to act that way.

Jer and I have been together since we were teenagers. After thirteen years of being together and eleven years of marriage, I've had people ask me, "So, what's the secret to a successful marriage?" • I usually laugh • I know the typical responses from the "Don't go to bed angry" or the "Always say I love you when they leave" • You guys, do you know how many times in eleven years Jer has taken residency on the couch prior to us having kids because we were mad? Do you know how many times he's left without us saying "I love you" because kids and life. His way of saying "I love you" some mornings is letting me sleep in when he leaves and everyone is still asleep • All the "secrets" we've broken them • The secret to a long lasting marriage is there is no secret at all • It's a get-up and try again over and over every damn day. It's hanging on tight when you are young, newly married and

I think for most of us we go into this whole grief thing blind. We don't see it coming, we don't know what to expect so we just do what everyone else tells us. We act how everyone tells us we should act, we grieve how everyone tells us we should grieve and then suddenly when we do something different on our grief journey we are left questioning if we are even grieving the right way at all. One time I remember thinking, "What if I don't do this the right way the first time? What if I miss a step or two or an emotion. What if I move on too fast or too slow? Do I have to start over? Did I really even grieve at all?" Stop right there Grief doesn't own you the minute you lose someone or experience any kind of loss. You have the power over your grief no matter how deep in a fog you feel. You still get to tell Grief how this journey is going to go. Your grief and journey will not look like anyone else's and that's okay! We all have a different

There is grief in more than just the loss of a loved one, like motherhood for instance. I sat there at midnight and wondered if the dollar tree streamer, the handwritten banner and crayola marker wrapping paper would be enough. I wondered if he knew some of the toys I bought were on clearance or if the banner is the same one we used last year I worried because Pinterest is the devil Pinterest perfect parents live behind the computer screens on social media and show up daily on my news feed. They make me doubt if what I have to give on special occasions is really good enough I admit, I always go straight to Pinterest for birthday party ideas, decorations, cakes, and party games. I turn into this three-headed monster weeks, even months, before the party is scheduled. “He turned two months yesterday… better start my new Pinterest board for his first birthday ideas now!” I have to start hand-making everything from the decorations to the cake, otherwise it’s not good enough. Tho

If you could have your loved one back for one day, how would you spend that day? I would spend the day snuggled up on the couch watching Hope Floats with my Mom. I wouldn't let her go, it would be one long hug. We would cook a little, take lots of pictures together and I would tell her I love her every second in between.  I would watch her love on my guys and get to hear her tell them "Nana loves you" for the first time. Share how you would spend the day with your loved one in the comments 

Tonight we had orientation for my oldest son Times like these are always so bittersweet. My heart is filled with joy to have him grow but my mind always wanders to the place of wishing my Mom was here. Right now I would have just gotten home and called her to tell her all about how it went. He probably would have gotten on the phone with her and told her about it too. She would have wanted to hear about every last detail. I probably would have cried talking about how big he is getting and she would have cried with me. Reminded me that he will always be my baby no matter what. She would have told me it was all going to be okay. She would have said everything I needed to hear. I know, I know, she was there in spirit but some days you guys being there in spirit just isn't enough. Sometimes the only thing good enough would be to have her here. The only thing good enough tonight would have been her sitting there right beside us during orientation for her grandson.  When we got

I sat there in a fog as I read the three sentence message from a grief group on social media. My heart wasn't sure how a grief group could send it or why. In fact for a moment my heart even wanted to ask, "How can someone be a griever and send this?" I wasn't going to talk about it but I knew I needed to be completely honest with you. I realized this was deeper than the message I had received for posting my grief Facebook page and grief blog in a grief group. It was deeper than a blanket response of don't post your social media pages in our group, but we love your writing, type message. I realized I had just been hurt about my grief by a fellow griever. It made me feel for a split second that my words needed to be hidden or kept to myself. That my grief didn't have a purpose in that group to help heal hurts. That my journey had no value or no place in there amongst those that were grieving the loss of a parent. Then I snapped out of it and pushed