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Showing posts from November, 2017

When You Aren’t Winning At Motherhood

Some days you are winning at motherhood •
Some days you let them eat ice cream for breakfast and you make amazing memories •
Some days you find a toy at the goodwill they have been wanting forever and you are the coolest mom ever •
Some days you spend an entire day doing nothing fancy at all with them and it’s the best day ever •
Some days you let the mess and chaos and running wild consume your entire day and they are convinced you are the best mom ever •
Some days you give a hug right at he exact moment when it’s needed most and a kiss that can cure any boo-boo •
Some days you’ve got it together and think you’ve got it all figured out in motherhood •
Then there are the other days, the days when you aren’t winning •
The days where you are slightly below losing and can’t even be sure there is a name yet for how bad you have sucked at a simple task in motherhood •
That has been my last three nights, the place somewhere below losing at motherhood •
The place where moms usually don’t even talk about because…

Turkey Served With A Side Of Grief

I remember my first Thanksgiving without my mom here. I cancelled dinner at our family’s house last minute because I couldn’t face the deviled eggs sitting on the dining room table knowing she wouldn’t be there to serve her recipe

I avoided making those deviled eggs and asked others to avoid making them for several years because that was my side of grief served with the turkey on Thanksgiving. It was the thing that could take me from surviving the holidays without her to full blown tears

These days I make the deviled eggs, her recipe only and I serve up that side of grief on Thanksgiving with a smile instead of tears.

I’ve realized that my holidays are always going to be a little less joyful and little more quite without her laughter filling the room. I realize that my Thanksgiving turkey will always somehow be served with a side of grief while yours is simply filled with sides of mashed potatoes and new memories with your loved ones

So this Thanksgiving if your turkey is being served…

So It's Another Holiday Without Your Mom Here, Now What?

Let's be honest here, no matter how far you've come in your grief journey the holidays tend to sting a little bit without your mom here. They have a tendency to not be as jolly and bright or full of thanksgiving when one of those you love the most isn't here and instead there is an empty chair when they used to sit.

You might feel like you want to skip over the day altogether or just cancel Thanksgiving or Christmas. Trust me, I've completely felt that way when I was new to the grief scene.

But what if you still want to celebrate but you just aren't sure how. You can't imagine how to bring joy and laughter back into your holidays when your mom isn't here.

Although we know as grievers the only real way to make the holidays the same again would be to have your mom here with you even if for the day to celebrate. But since she can't be but we know she would be if she could then here are a few things you can do if you feel up to it on the holidays to make y…

2,308 Days Without My Mom

2,308 days • That’s how many days as of this morning I’ve gone without my mom
• That’s how many days since the last time I heard her voice or felt her hug
• That’s how many days I’ve walked this earth trying to navigate being a mom without her here to guide me
• That’s how many days I’ve spent missing her
• That’s how many days I’ve had to spend imagining what my days would be like with her still here in them
• That’s how many days I’ve spent from sun up to sun down making sure I keep her memory alive
• That’s how many days I’ve spent talking about her
• That’s how many days I wake up only to remember she’s gone all over again
• That’s how many days I still accidentally go to dial her number
• That’s how many days it’s been since I lost her and found myself
• I’ll never let that many days go by without talking about her, thinking about her, missing her or loving her because she’s still my mom and I’m still her daughter even if she isn’t here
• So here’s to 2,308 days and waking up every single …