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Showing posts from February, 2018

The Kind of Man He Promised To Be

Thirteen years ago he promised to try and be the kind of boyfriend I had been waiting for

Eleven years ago he vowed to be the man that would never break my heart

He vowed that I would never again on his watch have to keep a sad song on repeat trying to find healing

He promised to be the kind of man that stayed around when things were good when things were bad and everything else in between

He vowed to be the kind of man that would give me the feeling of always knowing that I could look over and have my forever best friend by my side

He promised to be the kind of man that would make me forget about the heartache that led me to him

He vowed to be the kind of man to give me grace upon grace and forgiveness when I least deserved it

He promised to be the kind of man that would show our sons what hard work, honest love and never giving up on someone looks like

He promised to be the one to choose us over and over again every day

He vowed to be the one to do this all over, again and again, k…

I Keep Adding Chapters To Her Story

The day my mom became sick with cancer, I changed •

The day she died, a piece of me died too

I’ll never be who I was the days, hours, minutes or even seconds before she died

I had two choices presented to me the minute she died. Two choices I never knew I would have to face

I could pitch a tent and take up residency in that messy stage of grief or I could pack my things and move on in my grief

Staying there would have been the easier choice, so many people lived there too, so many would have understood but I knew that ugly grief wasn’t where I was needed

I knew I couldn’t let cancer be the end of her story and I was the only one to tell it for her

I knew that staying there would have been more painful than moving on

I never imagined a time when I would find myself happy, joyful, at piece or even filled with grace in my grief

I always thought feeling that way in grief was a “no,no” because how in the world can you have all those things and still grieve?

It’s simple, I fill my life up wi…

When You Just Want Coffee With Your Mom Again

I always see photographers offering mother and daughter sessions

I always wish I could have surprised my mom with one of those

I wouldn’t want it to be the kind where we get dressed up and go into some pretty field

I would want it to be just her and I doing the things that matter the most together. The little things that most take for granted

One of us drinking coffee together on the back porch talking about everything and nothing together

One of us baking together in the kitchen using her mom's recipe book

One of us talking on the phone together for the tenth time that day as we laugh because we don’t have anything left to say but we just wanted to hear each other's voice on the other end

One of us sitting down together at dinner with all her grandbabies on each side of her

I’ll never get the kind of pictures other mother and daughters might get together now that she’s gone

Instead, I’ll carry her memory around with me and we will have coffee on the back porch together early in the mo…