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Showing posts from August, 2019

I Didn’t Know What to Say

The day she died people asked what they could do

I didn’t know what to say

They told me they were there for me just tell them what I needed

I didn’t know what to say

They said they were a phone call away, I could call anytime day or night

I didn’t know what to say

They said we could go out to lunch, they would bring me dinner or coffee just let them know what I wanted

I didn’t know what to say

They sent texts and tried calling asking me to text or call them back just to talk

I didn’t know what to say

They brought food, dropped off coffee at my doorstep and even gifts

I didn’t know what to say

They said I could talk about her anytime, tell them stories about her, say her name

I didn’t know what to say

They said it was okay to cry and scream and yell

I didn’t know what to say

Then they said the thing that meant the most, that the truth was they didn’t know what to say at all and that was the most powerful thing they could have ever said

But you see I knew that all along because I didn’t…

I Can’t Put My Mom On The Pick Up List

Most take this tiny card for granted, you know the ones that come in the school packets at the beginning of the year


Maybe you haven’t noticed because you could fill them up with your eyes closed, the card only needs a few names but you’ve got six and the truth is you’ve got the most important one you can list every time, your Mom


That emergency contact list and pickup list is a reminder for me every school year that I can’t write her name in the little box because she’s no longer here


I could write her name if I really wanted to but it would be pointless because next I would have to write down her number and even though I still have it memorized by heart and in my phone, they can call it but she won’t answer because no calls reach where she lives


I could put her address because I remember that too, I still drive past her old house sometimes and know the roads there like the back of my hand but that’s no longer her home, I would have to put down “Heaven” for that part


I’ll …